Do you find yourself musing, am I a bad person, on a regular basis? Do you find that you blame yourself when something goes wrong? You’re not alone.
When you’re constantly surrounded by negative events, it’s easy to start wondering, am I a bad person? If things seem to be falling apart for you at the moment, or you’re not spending as much time with those you care about as you normally would, repeat after me—you are NOT a bad person!
The world is a strange and uncertain place at the moment. The Covid-19 situation has changed everything about our lives and turned the whole thing upside down. It’s no wonder that many of us are feeling a little low or even anxious about what’s going to happen and whether things will ever return to that thing that we used to call ‘normal.’
Why you might ask yourself ‘am I a bad person?’
It’s not just coronavirus that’s got us all in a spin either. Look at the world we’ve living in, it’s such an unfair, upside down, backwards place sometimes. Why can’t we all just be friends and get along? It makes you wonder, that’s for sure.
Within all of this, mental health starts to suffer.
When things go wrong, one thing after the other, it’s easy to assume it’s some kind of cosmic karma, but let me tell you something—I know countless wonderfully positive and kind people, and for some reason nothing goes right for them either. They would never fall into the ‘bad person’ category, so it’s very likely to be the same situation for you.
Life can be like that sometimes. Let’s look at why you might start to wonder, am I a bad person.
Are all these things connected?
A year or so ago, a series of events left me wondering whether all the negative things in my life were connected. I questioned whether I was actually some kind of undercover narcissist, or whether I was actually being punished for something I’d done in a former life.
I had a string of friendships that ended rather abruptly. My relationship went a little strange for a while. I had no energy and couldn’t focus on anything for long. I wondered whether all of this was somehow my fault. Was I a terrible person and a terrible friend? Was I really to blame for everything negative that went on around me?
It might sound drastic when you’re not in the situation, but when a series of negative events occur in your life, within a short time scale, it’s very easy to wonder why. At the time, the only so-called ‘reasonable’ explanation is that it’s down to you. You then question, am I a bad person, and you come to the conclusion that you must be, somehow.
Of course, the chances of this actually being true are extremely remote. I now know that I was simply going through a rough patch. I can’t be blamed for the fact that a few friendships ended for no specific reason. Of course, I might have been to blame in some small way, but it was probably mutual and maybe those friendships had simply run their course.
Deep down, I know now that I’m a good person with a kind heart, and sometimes a run of bad things just happen in life. What makes the difference is how you cope with it and how you bounce back.
What you should be asking yourself
If you often sit and ponder, am I a bad person, ask yourself these questions:
– Do you deliberately set out to hurt people?
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– Do you think about only yourself and don’t care about anyone else?
– Before you do whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, do you think about the consequences of your actions?
– When you know you might hurt someone, do you press on and do it anyway?
– Do you refuse to take accountability for anything you do?
Now, dear reader, I don’t know you personally, but the fact you’re sitting there and wondering if you’re a bad person tells me that the above points don’t apply to you. The reason? Because a truly bad person wouldn’t even care whether they were bad or not! They wouldn’t spend any time wondering about it. The fact that you are, means you’re actually good and kind at heart.
There are a million reasons why you might ask yourself this question, but the likelihood is that you’re simply affected by a circle of negativity around you.
Take ownership of your mistakes and move on
However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t something lingering in your past that is causing you a little upset right now. If this is the case, be brave and identify what it might be. Own up to it yourself and question what you can do to make things better, if anything at all.
It could be that the ship has sailed and life has moved on, but you still feel a niggling amount of guilt at something you said or did in the past. If you want to apologize to someone for something that happened in the past, you can do so if you want to. However, it’s also just as wise to leave the past where it’s meant to be… behind you.
Forgive yourself, vow to do better next time, don’t dwell on something you can’t change, and simply do your best to move on.
Nobody is perfect. Not even Beyonce.
I know, shocking right?
Owning your mistakes
Mistakes make you stronger in the future. They teach you lessons to help you do better. I have a friend who used to be a terrible partner in the past. He’ll own up to it now if you ask him, and he’ll show remorse too. He used to gaslight, cheat, refuse to call back, he was a terrible partner. It’s no surprise that his relationships never lasted long.
Now, he sat down one day and asked himself, am I a bad person? He realized that yes, he had made mistakes, and yes, he needed to do better. But does all of this make him rotten at his core? No. The reason why? Because he realized his mistakes and vowed to change.
Nowadays, he’s in a committed relationship with a lovely girl who he treats like the queen she deserves to be. Is he perfect now? Of course not, but nobody is. The point is, if you’ve done something bad in the past, as long as you acknowledge it, forgive yourself, apologize where necessary, and learn from it, how can you be bad?
If a series of negative events seem to be popping up around you, take heart in the fact that you’re not alone. None of this is your fault. The world is just pretty negative right now in general. However, that doesn’t mean YOU have to be negative. Focus on cultivating a positive mindset and see how differently it makes you feel.
Regularly asking yourself, am I a bad person, is actually more common than you’d think! When surrounded by negative events, it’s easy to wonder whether you’re the one causing them.