Got rejected? Crushing on your coworker that’s taken? You will want to know how to stop having feelings for someone and move on for good.
Having feelings for someone that doesn’t share them or that you shouldn’t necessarily be having feelings for, hurts. And understanding how to stop having feelings for someone doesn’t just happen because you don’t want them anymore.
When you have feelings for someone, even just a crush, they can linger a lot longer than you would like.
Figuring out how to stop having feelings for someone has plagued humankind for centuries. It is a burden. Feelings overwhelm us and take our time and attention away from more important things.
But, the good news is that you can learn how to stop having feelings for someone and move on for good.
Why do you want to stop having feelings for someone?
Although logic and emotions do not always go hand in hand, practicality can be the best first step in getting over someone.
Why do you want to stop having feelings for this person? Is it an ex or someone that is already in a relationship? Is it someone that isn’t interested?
Remind yourself why your life would be happier and more productive if you stopped having those feelings. This is not a magic cure-all. It will aim you in the right direction moving forward.
Look forward to the improvements your life will have if you stop having feelings for this person. Will you be able to focus better at work? Will you be able to start dating again? Or will you let go of the pain of a breakup or rejection?
I know your feelings are strong. Logic may not feel strong enough to shut down your feelings, and it may not be, but reminding yourself of why you want to stop having feelings for someone will help you focus.
Whenever you notice yourself falling back into Facebook stalking them or daydreaming about your imaginary w
edding, remind yourself that that isn’t conducive to a happy future.
The why is just as important as the how, if not more so.
How to stop having feelings for someone
Once you know why you want to stop having feelings for someone, you have something to focus on. You have an end goal you can aim at.
But, take steps to really let go of those feelings and move forward without your emotions taking over.
#1 Let all your feelings out. If you try to stop having feelings for someone without letting those feelings out, it will feel more like you’re just pushing them down and not getting rid of them for good. When you can’t tell the person you have feelings for that you like them, write it out.
Go old-school with a pen and paper like you’re writing in your middle school diary. Let out all your feelings about this person. You may feel a weight has lifted. You can then crumble it up and toss it out. Or go further and burn it *safely* to release those feelings from yourself.
#2 Accept this as reality. A reason it is so hard to stop having feelings for someone is that we hold out hope. We live in a fantasy world where maybe one day things will work out. We make up conversations in our heads and let that impractical hope guide us.
Hope is great in many circumstances. When you want to stop having feelings for someone, it is time to accept the reality for what it is. Once you come to peace with the fact that these feelings aren’t reciprocated for whatever reason, it will be easier to let those feelings go. [
#3 Take off your rose-colored glasses. Look at them as if you didn’t have those feelings. When we like something and have romantic feelings for them, we overlook their faults. We see them as the best version of themselves.
That is great when you’re actually in a relationship but makes it hard to get over someone. Do you know how after a breakup you finally realize all the things that drove you crazy about your ex that you didn’t see when you were together? That is what you want to do here.
Think about the things you don’t like about this person to remind yourself that they really aren’t as great as you thought. It can be anything from their sense of style to their stubbornness or lack of honesty.
#4 Get distracted. Sometimes, to stop liking someone leads us to focus on them even more. If you struggle with getting this person out of your head, focus on something else. Keep yourself busy.
Throw yourself into work, a home project, or just make a lot of plans with friends. The more you do, the less time you’ll have to think about this person and your feelings.
#5 Focus on something productive. While outings with friends are a good distraction, but you don’t feel like you’re just filling up the time until you’ve moved on, do something productive.
Volunteer to clean up your local beach, clean out your wardrobe and donate to charity, or even get a second job. These things will not just keep you busy but make you feel proud of what you’re accomplishing.
#6 Remove them from your online presence. This is one of the best things you can do for yourself when you want to stop having feelings for someone. Seeing them post selfies and what they ate for breakfast keeps them at the forefront of your mind. It also lets you give in and look at their photos and posts whenever you feel weak.
You can unfriend them, block them, or just hide their content from your feed, but do it. I know it is hard for us to let go in this way. It is the healthiest thing you can do right now.
#7 Stop seeing them. It is one thing to stop seeing this person virtually but not seeing them in real life is even more helpful. If you see someone daily because you go to school together or share a friend group, it can be hard to rid yourself of those feelings.
Obviously, you can’t transfer schools or quit your job or find new friends, so take a break. If they are in your friends group, avoid that group or places they will be until those feeling fade away. If they are in your class or at work, keep your interactions as brief and professional as possible. And when you’re around them, focus on more productive things.
#8 Date casually. If you have feelings for someone, throwing yourself into a new relationship to distract yourself isn’t healthy or fair. Instead of getting a rebound, date casually. Go into it open, but let the other person know you are just interested in meeting people at the moment.
This will open your eyes to other people that are out there and available. It will remind you that you have other options and can form feelings for other people.
#9 Don’t compare others to them. When you start dating, even casually, it is easy to compare anyone new to the last person you had feelings for. We have all done it at some point. Everyone is unique. Comparing people’s qualities, whether physical or not, is unfair and pointless.
Maybe the person you want to stop having feelings for is taller than someone you just met, but that doesn’t really matter. Focus on what makes the person you just met unique without the comparison. [Read: Should dating be passionate or practical?]
#10 See a therapist. If you have tried all of this and still struggle with learning how to stop having feelings for someone, seeing a therapist may be your best option. In therapy, work with a professional to pinpoint where your emotions are coming from and face them head on. Hopefully, you can cut them off from the source.
Learn how to stop having feelings for someone with a bit of focus, a lot of determination, and hope that there are other options out there.