Nerves may be getting in the way right now, but you can learn how to start a conversation with your crush and see where it goes from there.
There are few things more nerve-racking than learning how to start a conversation with your crush. You want to come off cool but not like you’re trying to be cool. You want to flirt but not so much that you seem desperate. And you want to be confident, but also vulnerable.
It can be a hard balance to work up the courage to say hello, let alone have a full-on conversation.
So, how do you do it? Should you do it in person? Should you reach out via text or social media? What is the best way to start a conversation with your crush?
Learning how to start a conversation with your crush
When you’re crushing on someone, your adrenaline goes into overdrive if you even think of talking to them. You breathe heavily, you may even sweat, or forget your words. That is all normal behavior. When you have feelings for someone, especially a crush, it makes you feel physically nervous.
You could have imagined having a conversation with them 100 times in your head or even in your mirror, but now when it is actually about to happen, it is so different. It doesn’t have to be scary though. You can learn how to start a conversation with your crush calmly and confidently.
Starting a conversation with a crush is just like having a conversation with anyone else. They are just a person, nothing more and nothing less. The only difference is how you have built them up in your mind.
Do you know this person? Are your crushing on them because they’re cute? Do you have a lot in common? Do they just seem like your type?
You probably have thought about these things. This is so much scarier than just talking to a friend because of the build-up you have created. It may seem intense but that fear is not based in reality.
I don’t advise you to think about the worst thing that could happen, because why force yourself to think about that? Instead, think about what you want to say.
Don’t overthink their response. Don’t think about how in a year from now, you could be dating or how they could reject you on the spot. This is what makes a simple conversation so scary.
Whether you run in the same crowd or are practically strangers, this is one small interaction. You do not need to be perfect or who you think they want you to be.
Overthinking is the worst thing you can do when talking to your crush because it makes it glaringly obvious that you are not feeling confident in this situation. Even if you are nervous, which is totally fine, remember that no matter the outcome, doing this is good for you. You are taking a risk by putting yourself out there and that is a great thing.
How to start a conversation with your crush
Learning how to start a conversation with your crush does not mean you have to know every word of the conversation. It doesn’t mean you need to overthink your response or sit with a friend and ask their advice on what to text them.
Starting a conversation with your crush means having an opening line and enough calmness to continue the conversation no matter which direction it takes.
Here are some tips to help you do that from start to finish.
#1 Pick the format that makes you most comfortable. It can seem the safest to reach out to your crush virtually. This way you have time to think of a response that is clever. But, don’t just fall back on texting or social media because it seems the least scary.
This freedom can lead you to overthink your answers or come off too eager. If you start a conversation with your crush in person, there is a greater chance you will make a real connection. [Read: How to Stay Connected during Self-Isolation & Keep Your Sanity]
#2 Pick a common topic. Many would tell you to start with a compliment. Although, it can’t hurt, it doesn’t exactly initiate a conversation. “I like your tie.” “Did you change your hair?” These are nice, but don’t naturally lead to a solid conversation.
Ideally, start your conversation with a current event or common topics, like school or work. In college, I would ask someone I was crushing on if they had started the paper or if they know the homework to start things off.
This would be something you are already comfortable talking about and have knowledge of. It also doesn’t feel forced.
#3 Look them in the eye. This is only useful if you are in person, but when you are nervous or attracted to someone you tend to look at their lips instead of their eyes. This can seem impersonal and prevent you from fully absorbing what they’re saying.
Making eye contact when talking to your crush will enhance your chance at a connection and help the conversation become deeper.
#4 Take your time… but not too much. In person or via text, take your time with your responses. Be thoughtful but not analytical. If you are texting, you don’t want to rewrite your answer ten times. Just type it and reread it quickly to prevent typos.
In person, let them fully complete their thought before responding. Even without the intent, when you are excited to talk to someone, it is normal to cut them off because you want to say something back. This can seem very eager or even rude.
#5 Let the conversation sustain itself. If the conversation is lagging, let it be. Don’t pull in a random topic just to keep things going. This can feel awkward and forceful and not only will you feel uncomfortable, they likely will too.
Let the conversation flow from one topic to another. If things die down, do not ask, “So, what are you up to?” That is a big reach and comes off as intrusive rather than inquisitive.
#6 Pay attention to the words more than the person. When you are talking to your crush, your mind can be so focused on the fact that you’re talking to them that you aren’t even processing the conversation. They could be sharing something very important about themselves or asking you a question, and you could miss it.
Actually, be present in the conversation. Be true to yourself. Interact. Listen. Share. Offer your opinions and ask questions.
#7 Don’t have a motive. When I was younger, I would text my crush just hoping he would ask me out or I would have an opening to tell him I liked him. This would take away from the conversation and would be limiting. I was always looking for something out of each interaction.
If you do this, you are not being fair to them or yourself. Instead of waiting for a date invite, just enjoy the conversation as is. Don’t expect anything. [Read: How to Stay Connected during Self-Isolation & Keep Your Sanity]
#8 Actually, get to know them. Having a crush on someone can build them up in your mind. Maybe they are cute and do charity work and are hilarious, but it doesn’t mean you will necessarily have a connection. Don’t lean on the fact that you have a crush.
Just because you’ve put time into thinking about them doesn’t mean you would be good together. Actually, get to know them during conversations. Don’t pretend to like what they like or insist you like them just because you thought about it a lot.
I’ve done this, and it led me to ignore some major red flags.
#9 Let it close on its own. As I said earlier, don’t force the conversation to continue when it has exhausted itself. Via text or social media, you don’t have to say goodbye if a conversation dies down unless maybe you’re going to bed. In person, just sitting there hoping one of you thinks of something to add is awkward.
Just let the conversation do its thing. You can feel when it is over as you would with anyone else. Say goodbye or see you later and wait until your next conversation.
Learning how to start a conversation with your crush does not have to be as scary as it seems. Just relax, stop overthinking and follow these steps. Use this guide, and you’ll surely be able to leave a memorable impression on your crush.