Starting a relationship is easier than ending one. When it comes to understanding how to know when a relationship isn’t working, it’s never easy.
Listen, before you look looking to understand how to know when a relationship isn’t working out or trying to read the ominous signs, I don’t want to freak you out and have you think that a fight here and there means you need to break up with your partner. That’s not the case at all.
In every relationship, there’s going to be conflict. And it’s normal. When you’re trying to be with someone other than yourself, you’re going to bump heads from time to time. It’s not easy adjusting and compromising with another person, but you do it because you want to be with them. But I’m not talking about that.
There may come the point in your relationship where you feel your conflicts aren’t being used to push the relationship forward; instead, they’re taking you several steps backward.
And if you’re feeling this, that’s when you need to go snooping for signs or ways on how to know when a relationship isn’t working out for you. You may be working towards a goal, but your partner is not meeting you halfway, and this is when the problem arises.
For example, when it comes to my partner and me, we have conflict, but it’s always geared towards our future and moving forward. If there was a time where we’re just arguing without a goal or reason, then we would have to look at what’s going on and why we’re really fighting. So, it’s time you took a good look at your relationship and decided if it’s working for you or not.
How to know when a relationship isn’t working – The signs you need to look out for
Is it time to call it quits?
#1 There’s no compromise. We love to say this word when describing healthy relationships, but when you look at your own situation, compromising hasn’t been practiced between you and your partner. You cave in and do everything they want to do and they never the option of compromising to make both you and them happy. When compromising doesn’t exist in a relationship, well, it’s not a relationship. [Read: Letting Go of People: Why It’s So Hard & the Right Way to Do It]
#2 You just feel bad all the time. When was the last time you felt genuine joy and happiness in your relationship? If this is going to be your partner, you should be feeling good around them.
Of course, there will be phases where you won’t feel good; maybe you’re going through a personal struggle. But your partner should be there to show you the light at the end of the tunnel and give you the love and support you need.
#3 Your gut is telling you what you need to hear. When you’re alone with your thoughts, you don’t think about positive things about your relationship. Instead, your gut is telling you that something isn’t right; something isn’t working. And this is the time you need to listen to your gut because it’s telling you what you need to hear. [Read: 10 Ridiculous Myths People Believe about Marriage]
#4 Where’s the intimacy? Of course, there are going to be phases where you won’t be as sexual with your partner, that’s normal. But if there’s no intimacy at all, then you have a serious problem. If your partner is no longer intimate with you and doesn’t want to work on this problem, then this relationship isn’t working out for you.
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#5 There’s no communication. You two aren’t fighting, but you’re not talking either. It seems like you two are just existing next to each other. Being with a partner means there’s a deeper connection between you two. But if there’s simply no communication or mindless fighting, you need to see what’s going on.
#6 You or your partner isn’t being honest. Well, this is a big one. If you’re finding your partner is hiding things from you or lying to you, then the relationship isn’t working. You cannot have a healthy relationship if either partner is lying or hiding things from one another. Honesty is the foundation of a healthy relationship. [Read: People Who Put You Down: How to Face Them and Grow from Within]
#7 You no longer show empathy. When your partner had a bad day, in the past, you would show empathy and do something nice to cheer them up. But you no longer show or feel empathy towards your partner. You don’t want to understand what they’re feeling or connect with them. That’s a sign it’s over.
#8 You or your partner use the silent treatment. Ah, yes. The silent treatment. What are we? Four-years-old? This is never an effective way to communicate with your partner and is a form of control, which will evolve into abuse. If this tactic is being used in your relationship by either you or your partner, this is highly toxic and will only damage your relationship. If you cannot evolve from using the silent treatment, then the relationship won’t work. [Read: How to Make Your Hookup Miss You and Start Craving For You Again]
#9 You two always correct each other. We’ve all encountered someone who’s a self-proclaimed “grammar police,” and it’s always annoying. So, you can imagine the effect of correcting your partner has on their emotional and mental health. It makes people feel stupid and frankly, small.
#10 Your emotional needs are not being met. If you’re still how to know when a relationship isn’t working out on an emotional level, ask yourself how you feel on the inside. Are your emotional needs being met? When you’re next to them, do you feel even lonelier and sadder? If you’ve talked to your partner and yet you’re still not feeling satisfied, this isn’t a good sign. [Read: How to Be Independent & Balance Seeking Help and Being Stubborn]
#11 Your fights have a lot of criticism. When you two argue, most of the time, you both spend it criticizing each other. Though you may think it’s working at getting your point across, it’s not. Criticizing just makes the other person feel inferior and useless in the relationship.
#12 You don’t trust each other. You may think you can pull through this, but it’s not possible. If you don’t trust each other, then you don’t have a relationship; it’s as simple as that. This relationship will not last unless you two openly agree on working out the trust issues you have with each other. [Read: How to Avoid a Covidivorce: Keep Your Relationship Going Strong]
#13 No more talks about the future. You two used to talk about where you saw yourselves together in five years, but now, that’s all gone silent. You’re no longer building a future together, and if that’s the case, then why are you still in a relationship with this person?
#14 There’s a sense of feeling stuck. When you’re sitting on the couch next to your partner, you just feel stuck. There’s no feeling of progress in your love life or that you two are heading in any direction. As of now, you just feel as though you’re floating through time endlessly. It’s time to listen to your gut instinct. [Read: How to Stay Connected during Self-Isolation & Keep Your Sanity]
#15 You don’t spend time together. A couple that spends quality time together, stays together. It’s not about hanging out every day; that doesn’t make a strong couple. What makes a strong couple is the quality of time you spend together. But if you two don’t even spend time at all with each other, then what’s the point of being together?
Now that you understand how to know when a relationship isn’t working, just look for these signs. It’s a hard thing to accept, but if you feel your relationship isn’t working, the odds are it’s not working. So, what are you going to do about it?